Dear Cyclocross,
I love you.. But this is starting to have all the signs of an abusive relationship and I think I might have to break this off. I'm sorry, this is not what I wanted. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. Maybe some time apart will help. Please don't be mad. Look, the signs are there, and at some point I have to stop ignoring them.
1. Your partner tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding
From August through the middle of December you have multiple events every weekend that you make me feel obligated to attend. You make me drive hundreds of miles and spend hundreds of dollars just to see you. When I get there you treat me like shit, making me suffer like a dog and you show no mercy. The more I hurt, it seems, the more pleasure you take from it.
2. Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly
How many times have I been having a good day, and then in a jealous rage you strike me down? At Sterling last year, that stupid tree on the loose corner that separated my shoulder. At Northampton this year, running me into the tape after a solid start, crashing me out and having half the field run over me and my bike. For what?
3. Has a history of bad relationships
Have you even seen the shit that people write about you on Twitter on Saturday and Sunday afternoons?
4. Discourages your relationships with friends and family
If I take any time off from training for you or coming to see you on weekends I am punished with loss of fitness and skills which inevitably results in even worse treatment from you. You leave me no time for anybody else in my life.
© Natalia McKittrick, Pedal Power Photography
5. Controls all finances
It's pretty safe to say that without you in my life I would be living large, probably with vacation homes on the east and west coasts and in the mountains. You take and you take and you take. And if you think giving back means that $15 check I won for 4th place at Plymouth last year meant anything to me you're fucking wrong.
© Dave Roth
6. Humiliates you in front of others
Constantly! Hell just two weeks ago at Putney you tripped me up over the barriers on a warmup run and caused me great embarrasment.
7. Destroys or takes your personal property or sentimental items
Let's see... Just this year alone you destroyed my brand new Chili Con Crosso frame, a SRAM Force shifter, a HED Bastogne wheel, and a couple Grifos..
8. Forces you to have sex against your will, or demands sexual acts you are uncomfortable with
I wish!
It's not like we haven't tried counseling. Our counselor, Kurt Perham, has put in a huge amount of effort trying to get us to get along better, and it's definitely helped.. But then you go and throw Goddard Park at me. It was like NASCAR (without rebel flags and Kid Rock). Biggest engine wins! That's not cyclocross. A 1/4 mile pavement sprint? A 50yd beach run? Not one part of the course that can't be pedaled? Man, was that demoralizing not being able to hold wheels of guys that I've been beating all year. It was my worst finish of the year, (without a mechanical or crash). So bad that I was through with you. And this time I meant it. But then I started making excuses for you as always. It's not you, it's me. I was flat. I just didn't have it. A bad day. I deserved it. Tomorrow will be better. And honestly, I thought it would be. There was a promise that the course wouldn't be such a drag race today. There'd be more turns. It would be more technical. Well it wasn't.. You added a second beach run and left the rest of the course largely unchanged. Really? Running on the beach more is the equivalent of "more technical"? Do you have no creativity? Maybe I need to introduce you to Tom Stevens. Regardless, I was determined to get a better start and have a much better day. So I get a decent start considering I was staged in the 3rd row, and what do you do? You can't be happy for me, you ungrateful bastard. You throw two racers to the ground right in front of me, almost crashing me out, and allowing what's left of the field to pass me. I worked my ass off and passed as many guys as I could. I raced like it would be my last race, and honestly, I was thinking it probably was for this year. Not easy bridging to and passing racers on a wide open, non-technical course, but I did my best and finished 28th on the day. I felt strong throughout and I was happy with the effort. Happy enough that I'm willing to give you another chance next week at the Ice Weasels Cometh... I really want this relationship to work. Work with me? Please?
Love,
Kevin
OMG this is exactly how I feel right now. I was on a great ride, 2 laps in I had ridden myself UP to the group Horneberger was tailgunning. By myself. Unheard of. Then I flatted the tire I glued on THURSDAY and got some shit clincher at 80 PSI after waiting patiently during the longest wheel change in history. DF Fucking L. Then I killed myself for a lap or two when I should have been finally at the point where I could suck a wheel for a lap and ride that horsepower for free. Then I realized I was done and started the beer feeds.
ReplyDeleteThe only high point was my having the bike FULL SIDEWAYS as I ran straight at Stephan Marcoux on the ground, and somehow riding the front wheel while the rear wheel passed me and keeping it up. That was unreal. I assume that is where you got jacked up?
So over it right now I can't even tell you.
Your blog has been awesome this year, BTW. And Perham has you so skinny its almost gross.
Yeah, it was the crash right on those roots on the right hander after we hit the dirt road. I was right in the middle of it so had to weave my way through. By the time I came out of it I was one of the last few to hit the beach and my day was essentially left to see how many people I could catch. You going to Ice Weasels?
ReplyDeleteK-Buck,
ReplyDeleteThat is the funniest shit I've ever read. Great Post!!! Sorry I came so late to the party. She can be an evil bitch, no doubt about it.